The Halting Point

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

"Shaving adds an extra inch" & other truthful advertising!

Thanks to Ad Rants for letting me know that Philips finally had the balls (no pun intended) to give consumers what they really want. A razor to trim their nut hairs! Not only that, but they are also targeting current non-shavers who may not be aware that one of the awesome side-effects of keeping a well-groomed man zone is that you gain the illusion of an extra inch or so to your police baton once all that hair is out of the way. I gotta give them respect for this campaign for telling it like it is and not trying to be insidious about it. But I'm honestly not that awed by a personal grooming company once again trying to play up an entirely superficial angle. Not quite as amusingly lame as Axe, but close.

But I have to say, this definitely got me thinking...what if more advertisers were truthful? Maybe we'd see some more interesting, politically incorrect headlines...

  • Weight Watchers - "Because men don't like fatties and you'll never get laid with those thunder thighs, you huge bitch."

  • Altoids - "That rumor you heard about Altoids making blowjobs feel better may or may not be true...but we bet you're willing to buy some to find out."

  • Ritalin - "If you can convince your parents to put you on Ritalin you can make $$$ selling them to all your pill snorting friends at your white, upperclass suburban highschool!"

  • Taco Bell - "Because when its 3 A.M. and you're stumbling around hungry and drunk, you won't think about all the fun you'll have on the toilet the next morning."

  • Jack Daniels - "If you don't drink us, you will look like a girl. You don't want to look like a girl do you?"

  • World of Warcraft - "Chinese gold farmers ruin the game for you, but they're also more profitable than you because they buy a new copy of the game each time we ban them. Do you really think we'll get rid of them? Where's our $15 bitch?!"

  • Apple - "If you buy Apple, hot art chicks will pretend they like you to use your Mac, but your Emo-loving ass still won't get any."
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