The Halting Point

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Scientists find equation for perfect ass!

Scientists have done it again. In an article from the Sunday Times we learn that the scientific formula for the perfect ass is:

(S+C) x (B+F)/T = V



S = Overall shape
C = Curvature
B = How much it moves when she shakes it
F = How firm it is
V = Hip to Waist Ratio
T = Smoothness and cellulite

According to the horribly unscientific survey the scientists conducted in the UK...Kylie Minogue has a great ass...as shown in the image above, whereas J-Lo's is huge. Wow, Latina women have statistically larger than normal asses...film at 11!

Personally I think they need to release the simple measuring device they used for this on the open market. Seriously...every woman wants something to make her guilty over eating that last pint, and what better way to do it than having a simple scale they can hold up to their ass to realize how fat they are! Patent pending...

7 Comments:

  • I'm going to try and put this into practice here:

    Starting with the assumption that high numbers mean more or better. OTher assumptinos (bear with me): more curve is better, more firm is better, smoother is better. I'm not sure how much movement is good or bad, but i'm pretty sure that firmness and jiggle are generally opposed. If the two are linear opposites, then the total of B+F on a 10-point scale is going to necessarily be 10, barring certain very unfortunate or very fortunate departures from the norm. Hip-waist ratio is important, and as I recall has been determined as optimal at roughly 1.43. So I think the idea is that the left side should end up at around that number.

    Now let's take a very attractive woman that I just made up in my head:
    S = 10, C = 10, B = 5 (to be safe), F = 10, V = 1.43, T = 10

    Plugging that in, we get (20x15)/10, or 30. I don't see how that's anywhere near 1.43.

    Then again, I've been avoiding real math since high school...

    By Blogger Erik, at 4/09/2006 12:08 PM  

  • Two flaws with your math...according to the article their optimum hip to waist ratio was .7, and the grading scale they used was not 1-10...it was 1-5, hence why this wasn't the most scientific study.

    But if they came up with a measuring device for this, well holy god someone would make a mint.

    By Blogger Halting Point, at 4/09/2006 12:14 PM  

  • 2 responses:
    That was a waist to hip ratio. INverting that gives you 1.4287, which I rounded up because it's best to have bigger hips and smaller waists. Thus 1.43.

    I was concerned about the scale they used, but since you divide by something ont he same scale, the sclae effectively gets cancelled out anyway.

    By Blogger Erik, at 4/09/2006 12:22 PM  

  • Right, let's try this again without inverting the ratio and with a 5-point scale, because this is very important. Looks too like I shouldn't have bothered inverting the 0.7.

    I think the main problem is that I think Lopez is more (ahem) agreeable than Minogue. But I'll try Minogue as they discuss her in the article, based on a 5-point scale:

    S=5, C=1, B=1, F=5, V=0.7, T=5.

    This yields 12/5, or 2.4. I still don't know how this is supposed to work.

    Obviously science and math need to return to the glory that brought us the age range scale:

    (your age / 2)+ 7 = minimum age you can date
    with the opposite:
    (your age - 7) x 2 = maximum age you can date
    (of course round the division upwards toward your own age and add exceptions for minors and people who have NO BUSINESS pinching my butt at bars)

    By Blogger Erik, at 4/09/2006 3:41 PM  

  • My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns honey.

    By Blogger Bob, at 4/10/2006 12:37 PM  

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